saturday -- chuck's memorial service
Well, it seems that even though Chuck's memorial service was to be held in a members-only club, they were letting random other people in for the occasion. So we went along, most of us. The occasion was led by a rather smarmy person who turned out to be a preacher that was related to Chuck's aunt's husband, or something like that. He started out by getting a guitar and singing three hymns in enthusiastic tones, one of which he'd written himself, into the whiny microphone. Then he began telling us all he knew about Chuck, or Irvin as he kept calling him. All he knew wasn't much, but he said it often. Sometimes he would call him Chuckie. Apparently this was something his biological family used to do, who occupied the front row and tried to keep the service going as they wanted.

His biological family, incidentally, had wanted little to do with him for a good while until he'd recently come into some money. Behind them we sat, and behind us there were people who knew him from his old job. Right at the back sat a woman who had apparently once been married to Chuck (and later divorced. Chuck had been planning to marry our aunt Sis, but it had never come to anything.) It was quite a large turnout, I suppose.

Being told what the preacher thought of Chuck took about half an hour, I'd say. Somehow he'd got the idea, or perhaps had been told to say, that Chuck's life had been filled with God-fearing devotion. This wasn't the Chuck I knew. After this he invited the audience to say what they remembered of Chuck's life. The ex-wife stood up and explained to the room how he'd been good to her after the divorce, and to Sis in particular how she'd been his only wife. None of them evidently remembered his famous drag act or his boyfriends, or if they did they were careful not to mention it. Someone else offered wishes that he was enjoying the fine clothes provided in heaven (to be fair, this was perhaps a subtle reference to his transvestitism). Another person blithely recalled a holiday they had spent together, but pointed out that Chuck had always hated camping.

Then the preacher announced he would begin his sermon, on some text I now forget-- we'd assumed he was already well into it. It's commonly said among those who preach that funerals and weddings are ideal occasions for evangelism because so many people are present who would never otherwise hear a sermon. This preacher seemed to have taken this to heart. He explained the fundamental principles of the Christian faith. Then he explained them again in other terms. Then he threw in a reference to Chuck, to keep it topical; then he explained it all again. He had been going for an hour when we all got up and left.

I was reminded later by earlofgrey of the episode in Sandman where Barbie scrawls Wanda's name across the tombstone that says "Alvin". I'd do the same, if Chuck were to have a tombstone. He'd wanted to be buried with a big funeral, actually, but instead his biological family cremated him quickly before the memorial service. Still, rest in peace, Princess Titania. We shall remember you.