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My walk was the walk of a human child, but my heart was a tree.

"Whenever you see an oak-tree felled, swear now you will plant two."

3/15/20 11:06 pm - the care and feeding of marnanel

some things to know about me:

* I may be wrong and often am. If I am, I would like to know, and learn better. But...
* I hate conflict. If you are rude, aggressive, hostile, ridiculing, I'll probably not talk to you.
* I am aware that I am privileged in many ways; if I show unchecked privilege, I appreciate hearing about it and I promise to take it seriously. I expect the same from you.
* Autonomy is important. I would like to hear your stories rather than tell my own. But if your behaviour involves nonconsensual damage to others, especially children, I am unlikely to be sympathetic (to put it mildly). Anti-vaccination people are specifically included here as people who damage children.
* I love hugs and cuddles, but please don't touch me without asking.
* If I have a panic attack, please hang around. Afterwards I will probably go and hide somewhere for a bit, and then I probably won't cope too well with people talking to me.
* If I'm occupied with nothing but my phone in public, that's probably a way of hiding.
* I hate phone calls. I hate making them, and I hate receiving them. Text or email instead, unless it's urgent, or you've arranged it otherwise. (To my parents: yes, you count as having arranged otherwise. But I still prefer email.)
* My pronouns are they/them, though zie/zir is fine too, and other pronouns are all right where I'm not out as genderqueer. If you get it wrong, that's fine. But don't get it wrong on purpose.
* Do not shout at me. Ever.
* I like reconciliation. If we were friends in the past, I probably want to be friends again. There are a very few exceptions, but you know who you are.
* I like vegetarian food, but I'll eat some kinds of meat if that's all that's available. I'm allergic to uncooked egg (and this includes scrambled eggs, for some reason). Eggs in things like cake are fine. Actually, cake is lovely in general.
* I have a bad habit of avoiding dealing with things I don't know how to handle, especially emails I don't know how to answer. In particular, I love getting fanmail, but I'm rather bad at answering it. I'm really sorry: I'm working on it. I do read it all, and it does make me happy, and I love you all.
* Please don't assume I can pick up on hints, or flirting, or that I know any particular social conventions about conversations; please be explicit. If there's something you can't or don't want to talk about, I will pick it up and worry about it if you lie about the things round the edges in inconsistent ways. I really like it when people talk to me about how they want to talk to me and how I want to talk to them.
* I'll try to add trigger warnings to posts and pictures. Again, if I get it wrong, let me know.
* I have triggers of my own. I may have to leave a conversation because of them. It's a PTSD thing.
* Reciting poetry and singing and scripting/echolalia are coping habits.
* I apologise too much. I'm working on it.

Did I miss anything? Questions and comments and suggestions are welcome.

This entry was originally posted at http://marnanel.dreamwidth.org/330693.html. Please comment there using OpenID.

9/14/16 04:48 pm - Miniver Cheevy

MINIVER CHEEVY
by Edwin Arlington Robinson

Miniver Cheevy, child of scorn,
Grew lean while he assailed the seasons;
He wept that he was ever born,
And he had reasons.

Miniver loved the days of old
When swords were bright and steeds were prancing;
The vision of a warrior bold
Would set him dancing.

Miniver sighed for what was not,
And dreamed, and rested from his labors;
He dreamed of Thebes and Camelot,
And Priam’s neighbors.

Miniver mourned the ripe renown
That made so many a name so fragrant;
He mourned Romance, now on the town,
And Art, a vagrant.

Miniver loved the Medici,
Albeit he had never seen one;
He would have sinned incessantly
Could he have been one.

Miniver cursed the commonplace
And eyed a khaki suit with loathing;
He missed the mediæval grace
Of iron clothing.

Miniver scorned the gold he sought,
But sore annoyed was he without it;
Miniver thought, and thought, and thought,
And thought about it.

Miniver Cheevy, born too late,
Scratched his head and kept on thinking;
Miniver coughed, and called it fate,
And kept on drinking.

This entry was originally posted at http://marnanel.dreamwidth.org/378310.html. Please comment there using OpenID.

9/13/16 09:43 pm - counselling

[suicide mention]

In counselling today we started going over the timeline of my life I drew up. We only got up to the start of sixth form, and about my early suicidal ideation, and how I set myself free by giving up having ambitions. We'll carry on next time, which means we're five sessions in and still haven't finished talking about why I'm there!

This entry was originally posted at http://marnanel.dreamwidth.org/377903.html. Please comment there using OpenID.

9/12/16 06:32 pm - Alcoholic hat

In a waiting room. Marn is wandering around listening to music.

Woman in top hat: (something)
Marn (removes headphones) Sorry?
W: I said, hi!
M: Oh! Hi. Awesome hat, by the way.
W: Alcoholic.
M: Your hat is alcoholic?
W: No, me. I've been in jail. I have DTs.
M: Oh, I'm sorry.
W: Don't be. It's a self-inflicted injury.
M: (randomly) Well, what isn't, in the end?
(W smiles and wanders off while M is still considering whether all injuries are self-inflicted by virtue of the will to live)

UPDATE: W returned and started telling me her life story. She says I'm goodlooking and that she'd go out with me. She also showed me several of her tattoos. On enquiring as to whether I'm unattached, she looked crestfallen, and then said that if that ever changes I should contact her. She appears to be entirely serious. During part of the story about school bullying she abruptly got up and went outside to smoke, leaving me to look after her bag. When I had to leave, she hadn't returned, and I couldn't find her outside, so I handed in the bag at reception. Reception said yes, they knew her quite well.

This entry was originally posted at http://marnanel.dreamwidth.org/377683.html. Please comment there using OpenID.

9/8/16 01:35 pm - dentist talk

[teeth, dentistry, violence]

I have a wonderfully chatty dentist. Recently we have discussed:
1) the problems of being a dentist in Pakistan. Apparently some people's first resort for toothache is an amateur tooth puller. If you're his first patient of the day, you have to wait until the second patient turns up. Then the second patient holds the first patient down, while the tooth puller attaches string to your tooth and pulls very hard. When most of the tooth is removed, the first patient gets up and punches the second patient for holding him down. After all this, the dentist has to fix all the damage.

2) the political situation in Burma, and why the news here doesn't report it much, and how come westerners think Buddhists are never politically violent.

3) why Camden, New Jersey is such a terrifying place.

This entry was originally posted at http://marnanel.dreamwidth.org/377384.html. Please comment there using OpenID.

9/5/16 12:08 pm - "busy"

KIT: And how are things with you?
PRACTICE NURSE: Oh, the usual. Busy, busy, busy. Though I don't mind busy-- it's when things are over-busy, when I'm running late...
KIT: Busy good, stressed bad?
PN: Right.
MARN: It's interesting how the sense has shifted. If you look at how Spenser uses it in the "Fairie Queene", he's using it in your sense of "over-busy". Which is odd, because words usually become more negative over time...
KIT: Marn? If we stay here talking about etymology, she'll be running late and then she'll get stressed.
MARN: Oh yeah. Sorry.

This entry was originally posted at http://marnanel.dreamwidth.org/376900.html. Please comment there using OpenID.

9/3/16 02:14 am - I don't like Thursdays

filk: "I Don't Like Mondays" by the Boomtown Rats.

now the silicon chip inside your ship
gets switched to overload
and nobody's gonna leave the Earth today
you're gonna make the place explode
and your latest verse is a Vogon curse
with a pain that you can't resolve
you can see no reasons
cos there are no reasons
what reason do you need to evolve?

Tell me why. I don't like Thursdays
Tell me why. I don't like Thursdays
Tell me why. I don't like Thursdays
I want to shoot the planet down.

well it's not too far to the local star
where the plans were on display
so your sympathy for their apathy
just blows them all away
it's okay with you
cos you've just gone through
a painful love affair
you can see no reason
cos there is no reason
what reason do you need to care?

Tell me why. I don't like Thursdays
Tell me why. I don't like Thursdays
Tell me why. I don't like Thursdays
I want to shoot the planet down.

six billion folk go up in smoke
and a trillion angry mice.
you were bought and bribed
it was all prescribed
by the man who paid your price:
there's a secret link
to a scheming shrink
but Halfrunt's just this guy
who has every reason
to destroy the reason--
what reason do you need to die?

Tell me why. I don't like Thursdays
Tell me why. I don't like Thursdays
Tell me why. I don't like Thursdays
I want to shoot the planet down.

This entry was originally posted at http://marnanel.dreamwidth.org/376324.html. Please comment there using OpenID.
Tags:

8/31/16 10:15 pm - Oolon Colluphid's triology, now in Pelican




This entry was originally posted at http://marnanel.dreamwidth.org/376235.html. Please comment there using OpenID.

8/19/16 12:31 pm - Two Ronnies 1984 Christmas special: courtroom sketch

I've seen this sketch many times, but I only just realised that the judge is Patrick Troughton (the Second Doctor from Dr Who).

Some of the gameshows are largely forgotten:
1) What's My Line? (guess someone's job)
2) Mastermind (rapid-fire questions on a subject)
3) Call My Bluff (guess the definition of an obscure word)
4) Blankety-Blank (guess what word someone else used to complete a sentence)
5) Give Us A Clue (charades)
6) It's A Knockout ("play your joker" in a round to double your points)
7) The Price Is Right ("come on down!")

Gaffes:
1) the judge is wearing a barrister's wig
2) no judge in England uses a gavel
3) the defendant is standing in the witness box
4) lawyers don't walk around the courtroom
5) er, court trials don't include gameshow references.

This entry was originally posted at http://marnanel.dreamwidth.org/375907.html. Please comment there using OpenID.

8/2/16 05:28 pm - "I saw the wicked in such prosperity"

Psalm 73 was in this morning's readings. The poetry remains bitterly relevant to today's society.

For I was envious of the proud;
I saw the wicked in such prosperity;
for they suffer no pains
and their bodies are sleek and sound.
They come to no misfortune like other folk;
nor are they plagued as others are.

Therefore pride is their necklace
and violence wraps them like a cloak.
And so the people turn to them
and find in them no fault.
Behold, these are the wicked;
ever at ease, they increase their wealth.

This entry was originally posted at http://marnanel.dreamwidth.org/375009.html. Please comment there using OpenID.
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